Seems like in this academic year I have been pushing out several guys from my life.
Now, note that I do have good friends that are guys. In fact, my childhood friend is a guy. And up to today, we are still in contact and have a relatively good friend based relationship.
(Another thing to note. I have an elder brother that is 2year older than me and is like my best-est guy friend ever.)
However, there are times when I feel like its the breaking point and that I really cannot stand being even friends with that person.
Within my Freshman year. I have pushed 3 guys out of my life.
When I do things of such nature, it's usually when they:
(1) Cross the line
(2) make me feel uncomfortable (unsafe)
GuyA; although a little later he did do something that really pissed me off. But right from the start, I didn't have a very good impression of him. He just is not give me the feeling that I would be safe with him.
For him, I felt that I felt such a lack of security when I was near him was because he lacked confidence. You know how they say that a guy that is not scared of death is the most scariest guy? I feel that it's really the same with guys that do not possess confidence. It just give me a sense of insecurity.
So I would rather be safe and just stay away.
GuyB; he crossed the line.
He continuously said that I was over reacting. And he was successful to prove that he was 'right' which in the process teared me down.
Words kill; don't you know? Everytime he said that I was overreacting, he was essentially creating doubt. And what's worse is he's making me doubt myself, and more importantly my judgement.
In other words; he destroyed my confidence.
A good friend should be one who builds you up. Not one that tears you down. If anybody tears you down; do yourself a favor and get away from that person.
GuyC; he made me feel not safe.
Before, I had a slight discomfort when I was with him. But it was a come and go thing. However, the ultimatum came when I had a dream.
In my dream, when I announced that I had a boyfriend. He immediately got violent with me. And as though that wasn't enough, he raised his hand against my boyfriend.
When I woke up, I just felt super unsafe. And something in me was telling me that I could not stay close to him.
And that was what I did.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Am I being mean or what? Honestly. I don't feel so.
There are somethings where I agree that we should be considerate and think of the other party. But there are times where yourself should come first.
People say, better be safe then be sorry no?
Take GuyA and C for example. If let's say I ignore the feelings of being not safe around them and something were to happen to me. How would you want me to react then? What do you think would people's reaction be if I told them what happened and also that I initially already did not feel safe around GuyA and C. What would their reply, I wonder.
Wouldn't they say I deserved it? Cause I continued being in contact with somebody that I do not feel safe with.
So what am I doing wrong? I'm just protecting myself.
Isn't the adage "better safe than sorry" a commonly used one?
If its so commonly used, doesn't it mean that there is truth in this saying? So why call one mean when they are just protecting themselves and playing the safe card rather than placing themselves in potential danger?
Humans possess this instinct where they can sense when they are in danger. In my opinion, the moment you feel that you aren't safe around someone, I would really encourage you to leave that person and distant yourself.
We must take charge of our own safety. If you yourself don't protect yourself, who will?
There's no nobility in putting others feelings before your safety.
Stay Safe
CHLOÉ
Friday, April 5, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
時間の砂
Finally! Finally! Finally!
Not wanting to seem TOO over-the-top happy. But with all honesty, I am very glad that this is all over!
:D
So today we had a final run through and also today was the day of "truth" if you can say it this way. Hahaha. Basically, today was the performance. And if you not know, it's the collab we have with MV.
I don't think it's a secret, but I kinda disliked the idea of the collaboration.
Well mainly, it was due to the way they treated us and all. It was pretty frustrating how they would continuously change stuffs and all. Also their punctuality also had a great problem. And they weren't exactly... You know? Tactful? But oh well.
Despite that. Today, it was hard to wish that their concert would not be successful. Rather, I really wished that the concert would be well received.
It's not because I feel that because we worked THAT hard and suffered THAY much therefore it is only right for them to succeed. But it's because other then their work ethics, a great majority of them ARE talented.
And to be fair to them, this is their first time doing such collaborations. So it's kind of acceptable for them to be unsure on how to handle it? But still the punctuality. I'm not sure how to explain this. But in the future, if they have a concert, would I attend?
If I was to go as an audience, I wouldn't mind at all.
But if it was to be as a performer, I would really need to think twice.
Overall, the concert (or at least the first half) was pretty good with the exceptions of there being too much guitar solos and also that one of the singers can't pull off a certain style but still die-die insist on using it. #sigh
That being said, good job MV! You guys worked hard and deserved the success. All the best for your futures endeavors.
xoxo
CHLOÉ
Not wanting to seem TOO over-the-top happy. But with all honesty, I am very glad that this is all over!
:D
So today we had a final run through and also today was the day of "truth" if you can say it this way. Hahaha. Basically, today was the performance. And if you not know, it's the collab we have with MV.
I don't think it's a secret, but I kinda disliked the idea of the collaboration.
Well mainly, it was due to the way they treated us and all. It was pretty frustrating how they would continuously change stuffs and all. Also their punctuality also had a great problem. And they weren't exactly... You know? Tactful? But oh well.
Despite that. Today, it was hard to wish that their concert would not be successful. Rather, I really wished that the concert would be well received.
It's not because I feel that because we worked THAT hard and suffered THAY much therefore it is only right for them to succeed. But it's because other then their work ethics, a great majority of them ARE talented.
And to be fair to them, this is their first time doing such collaborations. So it's kind of acceptable for them to be unsure on how to handle it? But still the punctuality. I'm not sure how to explain this. But in the future, if they have a concert, would I attend?
If I was to go as an audience, I wouldn't mind at all.
But if it was to be as a performer, I would really need to think twice.
Overall, the concert (or at least the first half) was pretty good with the exceptions of there being too much guitar solos and also that one of the singers can't pull off a certain style but still die-die insist on using it. #sigh
That being said, good job MV! You guys worked hard and deserved the success. All the best for your futures endeavors.
xoxo
CHLOÉ
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Pain
What's pain? Pain is a feeling of hurt? Pain is a feeling where you feel that your heart is crushed and can no longer be revived. Pain is the feeling when you lose your reason to smile.
Pain comes when you are singing your lungs out and still can't be heard.
Pain comes when you see the committee trying their best to make the working environment better for us and feeling bad because of the problems that is not within their control.
What are we fighting for?
What's the point?
The video just illustrates what we are on the stage.
Nothing.
With neither visual impact nor lighting impact nor audio impact. What are we? What's our purpose on that stage? To be their puppet? Or a prop to enhance their performance? Or are we suppose to be a covering for their weak vocals? Or are we suppose to provide notes for those who aren't even clear of their own notes?
At the end of the day, when this entire saga is over. What will they gain?
A boasting-piece.
And at the end of the day, when this entire saga is over. What will we attain?
Nothing.
What's pain?
Pain is knowing that you gave your very all, and still nothing changes.
Let's just get this over and done with.
CHLOÉ
Pain comes when you are singing your lungs out and still can't be heard.
Pain comes when you see the committee trying their best to make the working environment better for us and feeling bad because of the problems that is not within their control.
What are we fighting for?
What's the point?
The video just illustrates what we are on the stage.
Nothing.
With neither visual impact nor lighting impact nor audio impact. What are we? What's our purpose on that stage? To be their puppet? Or a prop to enhance their performance? Or are we suppose to be a covering for their weak vocals? Or are we suppose to provide notes for those who aren't even clear of their own notes?
At the end of the day, when this entire saga is over. What will they gain?
A boasting-piece.
And at the end of the day, when this entire saga is over. What will we attain?
Nothing.
What's pain?
Pain is knowing that you gave your very all, and still nothing changes.
Let's just get this over and done with.
CHLOÉ
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
約束
I promise that I will not leave because of disappointment. Because I joint without an expectation for anything. If I were to leave, I will leave because I lost passion.
For I joint because of passion and nothing else.
For I joint because of passion and nothing else.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
13 February 2013
I was going through my Notes and I realized that I had this post on 13 February. And only now do I realize that it was 'written' on the day before Valentine's Day! Hahaha!
Anyway, this was the post
良き時も悪き時も、病める時も 健やかなる時も、死が二人を分かつまで私たちはずーっとケンカすることを違います
And what it is, is actually the wedding vow in Japanese. I got this from the manga Hapi Mari (which I never continued cause it became too dull. Well, since its a wedding vow, needless to say, there was a wedding scene. Yeah.
Hahaha. Okay there's no significance. I just find it cute that I made that note 1 day before Valentine's Day ^^
Anyway, this was the post
良き時も悪き時も、病める時も 健やかなる時も、死が二人を分かつまで私たちはずーっとケンカすることを違います
And what it is, is actually the wedding vow in Japanese. I got this from the manga Hapi Mari (which I never continued cause it became too dull. Well, since its a wedding vow, needless to say, there was a wedding scene. Yeah.
Hahaha. Okay there's no significance. I just find it cute that I made that note 1 day before Valentine's Day ^^
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Long time no post? Just random~
Has been kinda long since my last post eh? Lazy me has indeed been lazy. Welll... I'm only lazy to blog often. But in reality I have had been pretty busy.
Semester just ended ~a week back. That means I'm free for ~2months and less. I'm one week into my holiday and I gotta say that I'm still freaking tired. Why? Cause I'm still busy! HAHAHA! But not as busy and stress as when I was during project submission week and exam week, but still quite stress. And why was that so? It was because I was busy rushing out editing of my friend's fanfiction, in which I am the co-author. So even though I don't 'ship' this fandom, I will still promote it.
It's a pretty simple storyline I must say. It isn't complicated. Have very little simple relationship chart I must say. So in summary, this story is about Taeyeon, who 'attempts suicide' after being unable to get over Tiffany's departure. This event results in her meeting a psychiatrist, Yuri, who has a romantic partner called Jessica. Unbeknownst to Taeyeon, Yuri is still in constant contact with Tiffany. In a twist of events, Tiffany will return to Korea. Why, and how? There's only one way to find out. And that's to read the fanfiction itself! And here's the URL~
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/347447/complete-sequel-to-if-angst-taeny-yulsic
Do check it out. And if you like it (and have an AFF account.) remember to subscribe and comment and up vote! It will mean so much to me and the main author.
Hahaha. Yes, that's right. In this story I'm simply a co-author. But I do have my own fanfictions. But I suspect that I will be pretty dead? Since I'm not so much of a fanfiction kind of author. I mean I started off writing fanfiction. But I've passed that phase. Now I'm more of writing original stories. And, I'm not a kpop lover. So even if I was to post fanfictions, it wouldn't be a kpop one. I mean why I'm posting kpop related now is because this is a (part of a) project I'm working on.
I've mentioned it a gazillion time to my main writer that to me, all the SNSD members are just another character that I can injure and kill. I have no attachment towards them. (Hence meaning that once this is over, I'm still not a SONE.)
Personally, I don't believe in being too emotional with a character and frown upon it. As an author, a character is just a character. It is to aid the development of the story. There should be no qualms of hurting the character. Or even killing it. Rather, an author should be emotionally connected with the character. A good author must be able to feel what the character is feeling. And although some claim that they do feel what their characters are feeling, however from the way they describe the character's thought and actions, you can tell that they really don't.
Anyway! My feelings about being a co-writer will be put up some other time. I'm a little bitter sweet about this role of a co-author. And seriously is considering if I should still continue. But that's for another post.
Anyway! Church stuff, did I mention? That this year's children's camp, I the worship leader. Hahaha. Yeah. Pressure is definite. Just hope that I can juggle all this stuff properly.
Also, Good Friday skit, I'm a tree (claps). Are there any reservations? Frankly, not really. But! No reservations doesn't mean no complain. HAHAHA!
Sometimes you know what piss me off so much? When people say something and don't consider how difficult doing it actually is. I think low standard of quality is a very poor excuse.
Anyway, my pinky is getting numb! ):
I will update some other time! Till then! (:
xoxo
CHLOÉ
Semester just ended ~a week back. That means I'm free for ~2months and less. I'm one week into my holiday and I gotta say that I'm still freaking tired. Why? Cause I'm still busy! HAHAHA! But not as busy and stress as when I was during project submission week and exam week, but still quite stress. And why was that so? It was because I was busy rushing out editing of my friend's fanfiction, in which I am the co-author. So even though I don't 'ship' this fandom, I will still promote it.
It's a pretty simple storyline I must say. It isn't complicated. Have very little simple relationship chart I must say. So in summary, this story is about Taeyeon, who 'attempts suicide' after being unable to get over Tiffany's departure. This event results in her meeting a psychiatrist, Yuri, who has a romantic partner called Jessica. Unbeknownst to Taeyeon, Yuri is still in constant contact with Tiffany. In a twist of events, Tiffany will return to Korea. Why, and how? There's only one way to find out. And that's to read the fanfiction itself! And here's the URL~
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/347447/complete-sequel-to-if-angst-taeny-yulsic
Do check it out. And if you like it (and have an AFF account.) remember to subscribe and comment and up vote! It will mean so much to me and the main author.
Hahaha. Yes, that's right. In this story I'm simply a co-author. But I do have my own fanfictions. But I suspect that I will be pretty dead? Since I'm not so much of a fanfiction kind of author. I mean I started off writing fanfiction. But I've passed that phase. Now I'm more of writing original stories. And, I'm not a kpop lover. So even if I was to post fanfictions, it wouldn't be a kpop one. I mean why I'm posting kpop related now is because this is a (part of a) project I'm working on.
I've mentioned it a gazillion time to my main writer that to me, all the SNSD members are just another character that I can injure and kill. I have no attachment towards them. (Hence meaning that once this is over, I'm still not a SONE.)
Personally, I don't believe in being too emotional with a character and frown upon it. As an author, a character is just a character. It is to aid the development of the story. There should be no qualms of hurting the character. Or even killing it. Rather, an author should be emotionally connected with the character. A good author must be able to feel what the character is feeling. And although some claim that they do feel what their characters are feeling, however from the way they describe the character's thought and actions, you can tell that they really don't.
Anyway! My feelings about being a co-writer will be put up some other time. I'm a little bitter sweet about this role of a co-author. And seriously is considering if I should still continue. But that's for another post.
Anyway! Church stuff, did I mention? That this year's children's camp, I the worship leader. Hahaha. Yeah. Pressure is definite. Just hope that I can juggle all this stuff properly.
Also, Good Friday skit, I'm a tree (claps). Are there any reservations? Frankly, not really. But! No reservations doesn't mean no complain. HAHAHA!
Sometimes you know what piss me off so much? When people say something and don't consider how difficult doing it actually is. I think low standard of quality is a very poor excuse.
Anyway, my pinky is getting numb! ):
I will update some other time! Till then! (:
xoxo
CHLOÉ
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