Problem? Yes. I do have one. And it's regarding you.

This few weeks, I have been very snappy. And there is a reason behind it. The reason is someone over here is really pushing my limits and patience. Like every single day. I'm like banging my head on the table wishing for him to just shut up and stop his whining. It's that annoying.

And it's like I time and time again think what's the issue?

After little figuring I figured out the problem.

The problem is that it's always me.

I'm always me. I'm over reacting. I'm too stressed. I'm sarcastic. I'm too serious. I'm too what? It's ALWAYS my fault. Like whenever there is a disagreement, it automatically becomes my fault and by him saying that he is at fault is like just to appease me. But sometimes it isn't so right?!

Like for example, he (which I shall conveniently call Mr. J) says on Wednesday that its a bad day for him and he don't want to stay back. So I'm like okay. Then you take your job home and do it. Thursday we meet then we rehearse. He say okay, we are all agreeable so after we discussed everything and settled who's doing what, he left while the rest of us 4 stayed behind to practice. The next day (Thursday), he ① came late. It's okay. Fine. ② after he reach, he took out his laptop and just did his own stuff! Okay fine. When I finally ask if we can start to practice abit before another member come, he say that he need to do up his part. And I'm like WTS? Aren't you suppose to do it already? Like last night? And btw, the presentation is on Friday.

And he is like "oh it's very fast." But you see, the thing is not whether its fast or not. You said that you would get it done by last night. Not today! And it's not like I didn't send you the report or what! I sent you the report and the PowerPoint. So why can't you do it?

It's already very frustrating that you did not read the report when I sent your a gazillion time. Did not bother to even look at the PowerPoint. Now this. And when I bring it up, he ask me to relax. I'm already so pissed off. I have been giving in to him time again and again and again. And every time he just continue and continue and continue. And it's just so annoying. He never gets that he is in the wrong. Everything is just our fault. We are over reacting and everything.

I really can't stand it. It's not like I'm unreasonable and never give you any lee way. You want to swim. Okay, I don't make noise. You say we are pushing you too hard, okay. I try to understand. But when it comes to serious matters, you are NEVER serious. And you aren't even aware of it. And when we tell you to buck up? What happen. Everything automatically becomes my fault. And that I'm over reacting and all.

But am I really over reacting? Can you just reflect on your work behavior from this project alone. Have I not been giving you lee way. When I asked you to do the script and you did not do it. Did I make a humongous fuss out of it? No. When I heard your excuse, I just asked you if you would rather change. You said yes, I changed with you. Am I being unreasonable? Am I over reacting? You need to stop thinking each day as it is, and start thinking of all the things you did. It's really really getting on my nerves.

Secondly, I just don't get him. Really really don't get him. If you want to know your marks, just walk up to the teacher and ASK. Open your bloody golden mouth and ASK. Is it that hard? Aren't you so proud of your verbal abilities? If you are. Then go and ask the teacher what are the marks for your individual components instead of coming and asking us for your marks. I can't even remember my own marks how the hell do you want me to remember your bloody marks? It's just so annoying! And, you got an A, congrats. But can't you be more sensitive to those who did not get an A. How do you think they will feel with you keep on mentioning about how "you want to know how much more you must score to get an A"? If I who got an A already feels irritated how about someone who got a B+? They are already super upset that they got a B+ and now they must hear you whine and complain that you can't remember your other test mark that was also an A? Wow. It must be so comforting. *clapsclapsclaps.

Finally, I get that you most likely aren't close to your family and perhaps don't give much a damn about them. But if that is somebody's priority and is something that holds great importance can't you just show a bit of respect? Like for example even though I don't like kpop, do I go to all my kpop friends and insult it? Or when they are complaining to me about how this group is being an ass to their bias do I go and rub salt on their wound? No. I just shut up and nod even though I really don't care if he is bashing her. But out of respect for my friend I just listen to her talk. Why can't you do the same? Sometimes it just feel as though you don't even respect me.

Now I really can't stand it. My agitation towards him is really affecting me. I'm like super fiery now. And I know it. Like the rest of the clique don't really affect me, but its always him that get me very agitated.

He will most likely attribute it to me over reacting. Like duh. Now I don't even feel a need to explain to him. Cause after all, to him I'm always over reacting.

So do I have a problem with you?

NO. I don't. But I have a major one with him.

New Year's Resolution!

It's the time of the year where we all look back into last year and reflect on what we have done and have we met our goals and targets that were set the previous year for last year. And to be very frank, if I EVER make resolutions, there will be two outcomes. Either...

1) I lose the paper/thing that I wrote my resolution on or
2) it never ever come to pass.

Well, the 2nd one is pretty much my fault since people love to say that this is all about 'responsibility', 'self control' blah blah blah. Well, I have my reasons. The reason why they never come to pass is cause I, having very small memory space, will tend to totally (or partially) forget about the resolutions that I've made and on the way I will just make new ones and when new priorities come into play, things that were once of certain importance will get pushed away and be replaced by the current time priorities.

One example is that over the years I have been continuously resolving that I need to stop doing fan fiction half way done. But, have I completed any fan fiction so far? Answer is, no. Why? Cause as school terms begin, I start to have homework, test, projects and other stuffs to take care off. When all this come in, writing fan fiction will naturally take a back seat and become something of relatively less importance. Hence, rather then spending time completing fan fictions, I rationalize myself into thinking that I should instead utilize the time to complete my homework, project etc.

HAHA! Anyway today's blog won't be about this, today's blog will actually be about my New Year's resolution for the year 2013! (: Well, without much hesitation, lets begin! :D

1) School
- Maintain (or improve) my GPA of 3.60
- Complete tutorials (EVEN for the modules that I don't like)
- Be a better leader & team player
- Constant Revision!
- Learn pieces faster (Choir)

2) Life
- Be more patient.
- In general, exercise more of the Fruit of the Spirit
In FACT, I'm not ALL talk. This year, I will be actually writing the Fruit of the Spirit on a card/paper and put it in my wallet so that I will be constantly reminded.

3) Etcetera
- Try to at least keep one fan fiction of mine alive, it don't need to be published. But at least just continue writing
- Be fine with co-writing & not getting AS much credit
- Learn how to pitch alongside a guitar
- Read the Bible more; Pray more; Worship more.
- Be healthy!

YEAH! So basically, this are my New Year's Resolutions (; I hope this year, I'm able to at least reach THREE resolutions! (: well the only way to find out whether I'm reaching my target is to review this blog at the end of 2013 (:

And for everybody who has made New Year's Resolution, may I remind your that the New Year starts on 1 January and not any later. If you procrastinate accomplishing your resolutions, you will never begin the journey on accomplishing it.

With that said, I would like to wish everybody all the best. And may 2013 be a great and fruitful year for us all.

Cheers!
CHLOÉ

Confidence = Sexy

Heya! Long time no post anything up here. Not that I'm lazy. But somehow or rather, what I type never get to be posted up. Cause I forget to save it to draft before doing other stuffs. And cause I'm using an iPhone to update for the majority of the time, sometimes when I don't save it and I progress too long with whatever I'm occupied with, blogger just deletes the unfinished post. And being just the lazy person I am, I'm just SO that lazy to rewrite those portion that I have typed and was lost. Hence explaining why there is kind of little update ever since term begin /:

ANYWAY, today I spent some time thinking. Like why some guys are like., the moment you lay your eyes on them, you instantly have a sudden attraction to. For some people your will credit it to their looks. Some their charisma. Anyhow, whatever you credit it to, it all falls under something which we call 'charm'. And for me this charm that draws me in is 'confidence'.

Now one thing I can't stand of a guy is lack of confidence. It just really tells me a lot of things about him. Now when I talk about lack of confidence, I'm talking about his posture and the way he behave. It really really speaks volume. And I can't stand it when a guy just exudes lack of confidence. It instantly becomes a major turn-off for me.

For me a guy with confidence is very important. Cause I'm not a very outspoken person, unless I'm in familiar situation. And if I'm with a guy, I kinda expect that when I'm in an unfamiliar situation, he will step up and take the lead. I can't stand it when a guy hides behind a girl for provision of a comfortable situation or looks for a girl for protection. I just hate it and just simply cannot stand it.

To others, this might be a small matter, but for me, confidence is a very important area a guy needs to have. And when a guy just exudes confidence, it's immensely sexy.

xoxo
CHLOÉ

I'm over with love.

Oh gosh! It sure has been long since I last posted a blog. Haha! Has been just super busy preparing for my Mid Semester Tests which is finally OFFICIALLY over! Yeahhhh! :B

Hahaha! In one word, MSTs were OK. They weren't terribly difficult, but for certain subjects it was a tad little hard for me to feel confident for an 'A' but not gonna totally throw the possibility away. :B hoping hard for good enough results so that my GPA can still maintain a 3.6 /:

BUT anyway, it's over already. Do I wanna blog about it? Hmmm. Maybe. But this blogpost isn't about it!

Keke! As you can see from the title, today I'm gonna blog about 2 things that I have just been thinking about..

Well, today was really a bunch of mixed emotions. Like I'm super happy that my last tests for this year is FINALLY over. But on the other hand my heart is kinda sinking hearing that today is the day HE will be enlisting...):

And to say I'm confused is an understatement. I'm more than confused. This is just so bizarre to me! ):

I have no idea how to put it into words... It's like, to put it simply (and painfully) for me, me and him, we don't have an ounce of relationship. Like there's zero conversation between us. Our ONLY ties is the net. And it is pretty obvious that he don't give a hoot about me...

So why? I thought this was enough. The distance, the lack of communication, not "stalking" and all. I thought this were sufficient to flush out all affections I have for him. I sincerely thought so. But if I do really have flushed out all remaining feelings, why the heck am I feeling this disappointed/hurt/IDFK knowing that today is gonna be the last day I might just possibly bump into him.

Does this even make sense? Oh gosh... I feel like banging my head on a wall. It's like CHLOE! You know it is a gone case, you and him! It's useless. Never happening. Why are you still holding on?

Maybe I'm just desperate. ):

This is bad for my heart. Maybe NS will be the ultimatum. No. It HAS to be the ultimatum. I don't think I can keep up with all this highs and low.

I've waited for a good 5 years. It's been half a decade of waiting. I will not wait for another half a decade. I won't allow myself to wait for another 5 years.

I swear. It's over. This time, it's over.

No matter how hard it is, I will do it. This time round, no more excuses, no more compromises. Failure is not an option.

I will succeed.

xoxo
CHLOÉ

Dog-eat-dog World

And people ask why there's no more kind people left. Well the reason? It's really simple.

Look around and see how our world turns.

Does it turn on kindness? Compassion? How are people treating other people? With kindness? With love? Or with exploit.

Look around with your own eyes and discard the rose tinted glasses that you are wearing. Is our world really such a brilliant world that you THINK it is? Or is it a world of exploitation? A world where the strong eats the weak. A world where after you are sucked dry you are disposed off.

Nobody is perfect. I know.

But half of the time, those that cry out that they are being exploited are usually those that are already being exploited.

I'm not saying that exploitation is correct or anything. But if you are crying foul, it would be a laughing stock if you yourself is commuting a foul right?

Idk.

But you are just like them.

EVOSII - Our World in 80minutes

Oh my gosh?! It's over? Already? It really feels super duper surreal. Like last night after the concert, for a period I somehow kind of kept of thinking that we are still in the midst of preparation for the concert. Until it kind of struck me that this episode is OVER. We have accomplished it. And I suddenly feel so... Empty and sad! How I wish this wouldn't end as fast! ):

But, the truth really sucks, and the concert saga IS over.

I can still remember the time when we were told that we had to learn 14SONGS within ~16practices. It came as a shock and many even saw it as a challenging feat. But one thing I'm so proud is that despite us being tired both physically and mentally, we all pushed on together. Pulling each other along as we tread through tricky areas that needed to be fixed like pronunciation error, rhythm, notes, dynamics and for some songs, choreography.

It wasn't easy. It wasn't relaxing. It was real hard to keep our spirits up and encourage each other to press on with the sopranos having such powerful and audible voices as when they could easily gain mastery, we were continuously struggling to get the correct dynamics, correct note correct rhythm. And when we finally did achieve the above, we rarely got praised. To a certain extent, this added the toil (for me). Cause I'm like putting in so much, but I still do not know if its enough.

Just like how a piece of pottery needs the kiln to make it stronger, this saga has indeed made me stronger and more confident. Although it was tiring and very very stressful, at times I even faced disappointments, but it was all worth while. The things that came out, was better than what we put in.

I will post the videos (or at least the links) of the concert when all are out or at least half of the songs are out.

So this will definitely not be the last post on EVOSII! It's only the beginning! I might not be able to share with you how EVERY single practice was like. But at the very least, I think I'm able to tell you how after hearing the song how happy I feel personally. Cause every song has a certain feel to me. The amount of effort and time put in varies. Some were easy to catch (like Gloria) some was super super difficult to master (e.g El Guayaboso!) so behind every song, the practice stories is different, but the end result for each of the songs (to me) is still the same(: they were awesome.

Going to quote the Vice President of TPChorale "Am I bias or are we awesome?" I'm sure it's a little bit of both. (: which is it, it's up to you to decide, but in my honest opinion, we sounded MORE than awesome, MORE than brilliant, MORE than splendid or spectacular. Cliche as it sounds but no words can describe the feelings.

Like what I mentioned above, this post does not mark the end of this concert. As a matter of fact, NOTHING will ever mark the end for this concert. Just like Aca Champs, we will continuously remember what we have achieved and how much we will grow. And this will serve as a motivation to push on harder and persevere to see that the result turns out how we (and Darius) wants it to be.

With this, I end this post. (:

Endless Voices; One Sound
CHLOÉ

SHOUT OUT:
1) Shi Pei, Daniel, Anthony and Tiffany!
Thank you so much for making time from your busy schedule to come and see me perform. Thanks so much! Seriously made me smile very wide when your screamed my name after Cantate Domino (and I think because of that few people were complaining about you guys). Thank you so much! (: thanks also for your congratulatory SMSes!

2) Isaac and Cherie!
THANK YOU GUYS SO VERY VERY MUCH FOR COMING! Although I wasn't able to really spot your in the audience (SORRY!) but knowing that you guys are in the audience really makes me super happy! No words can describe how happy I am to have you 2 experience this lovely experience and see the fruit of my labour! I hope you guys enjoyed yourself! Once again thanks so much for coming (despite having some objections).

Also thank you for waiting for me after the concert is over! In my opinion what you guys did was so much sweeter than the bouquets my friend receive. Really thank you guys so much for still remembering me even after I left the church for nearing a year now. Although months have passed since I changed church, but you guys continuously tell me (and show to me) that I'm still part of the net and part of you guys and that I will be welcome whenever I decide to come back and visit you guys. Thanks so much for continuously making the effort to include me in activities and stuff (: and once more! Thanks for coming! It really really really touched my heart (: thanks so much! TT TT #tearsofjoy

3) Kaixun!
Thanks so much for your support! Although you weren't able to be physically present however thanks so much for your well wishes 1 day before the concert started. Thanks so much! (: love you!

4) my Exclusive Family
Thanks so much for the support and love during practices and even during the concert itself. Love how when lights go out and we need to exit to back stage we will form a small human train so that we will be able to find the way back stage in the quickest time possible. Love you so much Exclusive!

5) My Family!
Thank you thank you thank you thank you for agreeing to come. Without you guys in the audience I wonder how I will be like. ): thank you especially to my brother for taking the time to come. I know that your work is very tiring and you probably are craving for sleep and all. But you still took the time to come and see me perform. Thanks so much kor. When I see your applauding during the encore (that's the only time I could see them during the entire concert) it really made me feel that all my hard work paid off. Thanks so much for coming (:

P.s: YES! I know I'm still owing a post on USS. I know I know. It will be up soon! Sorry for the consistent delay.

P.s.p.s: Sorry that the blog isn't updated that regularly. Reason is cause school is currently in term and I'm busy with project stuff and before yesterday night, EVOSII was also on the list. So have been pretty busy. Will try my best to update it regularly. Thanks for reading though!(:

P.s.p.s.p.s: 4 MORE DAYS! :B

Dear Baby...

You know, I don't mind ...

If you are a boy or a girl.
If you are chubby or not.
If you are pretty or not.
If you are clever or not.
If you are a fast learner or not.
If you are an introvert or an extrovert.

To me, all this are superficial. There's just one thing I pray for you.

That you will be happy.
That you will live a long age.
That you will be strong in your faith in God.
And that you will be healthy and strong.

That's all I wish for for you. I'm not carrying you now. But as things unfold and I find out stuff like low blood pressure and that there is a possibility that my pulse rate is too high, I start to realize how important a healthy body is.

So my (future to be born) child, I have only one prayer for you. That you will be strong and healthy.

Je t'aime
CHLOÉ